I used to think that the universe will let me breathe if I would stop asking what it wants me to do; that I just need to seek what I want to do. So, I do that because I am done trying. I am actually doing things now. I am no longer waiting; I am not standing still. I am moving. But, why is it not enough?
What do you want from me, really? What am I supposed to do?
I know sometimes we need to stay silent, but silence is scary. When someone doesn’t talk and it’s clear that he wants to say something, I’m scared what is running through inside his head. When someone doesn’t talk and it builds up inside, it will eventually explode. I saw how that kind of miscommunication ruined our family. It’s still traumatic for me.
30. If you could, what is the one thing you would change about your past?
Tricky. Changing something from the past would just make me bury myself in what ifs and that is a terrible feeling. I have learned to accept my now. If I will change something, that will involve other people and I can’t do that. I can’t do that to them. I understand why they had to make such decisions, and changing that would mean that they would have to sacrifice their own happiness. I can’t take that away from them.
Isn’t it sad how you don’t connect with someone anymore just as much as you did before? What’s worse is you don’t know if it is them slipping away and you are letting them or is it you loosing your grip just because? It’s sad when you don’t know why and it just happens. It goes both for romantic and platonic.