when society tells you to..

When society tells you to be yourself, they don’t mean it, right?
I mean, how can they when they still judge you, anyway?

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2017’S FIRST THOUGHT CATALOG ARTICLE

It feels like I haven’t posted here in ages, though it’s just been 5 days since my last. I really feel like lacking of sense with blogging. So, to make it up to you. I’ll post here the article I submitted to Thought Catalog. Yes, I always write. Some are just not “blog-worthy”, I guess.

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I’M LETTING YOU GO BUT PLEASE DO ME ONE LAST FAVOR

I didn’t see it coming.

At 21, I have all my life planned out. I thought I got everything figured out. Then, you entered the picture. There was just too much sadness in your eyes. I guess that was what made me so drawn in you. I got so obsessed in fixing you that I broke myself in the process. I depended so much in you that I didn’t notice I let my life revolved around you. You and only for you.

You were there when my parents separated. 22 years of marriage gone. Since then, you became my home. You are my home. You made everyday felt a little better and lighter. You made everything seemed easier. 22 months after, you were breaking up with me. I guess the number 22 doesn’t really like me. Well, I don’t like it either. You made me think that I could build a happy family despite having a broken one. Now, I’m not so sure anymore.

We all have everything planned out. Now, I am more lost than I’ve ever been. Maybe, this is how it feels like to have your heart broken at 23. Sure, I have a life before you and I can surely have another after you. But it just doesn’t feel right. Where will I live now when we already have planned where to have our own house? What will I call my future children now when we already named them after us? You stained my future. I feel like I will always be haunted by you because this kind of love stays like a birthmark.

I saw it coming.

With your shortened calls and cold messages, I know you are starting to slip away. It sucks because I couldn’t do anything about it.

I wanted to do everything to keep you but you just don’t want to be kept.

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PEOPLE LIED, LOVE DOESN’T CONQUER ALL

I just found out that my friend and her boyfriend for 8 years broke up after a month of being engaged. Now, I am the one crying. It makes me so dejected to see a relationship fail. I am in a very complicated situation myself so this knowledge adds up to my sorrow. And when my parents separated last year, I kind of lose my faith in Love. I know I have to restore it at some point but just.. not now.

8 years. How do you move on from that? You’ve been together most of your lives–through thick and thin–then poof (!!!!!) it’s gone. How do you forget someone who gave you so much to remember? Some say it’s not about how long you’ve been together, it’s the time you’ve spent together. Well, 8 YEARS. That’s saying SO MUCH.

My friend said that it is really hard but she’s coping. It’s been 3 months after all.

It broke my heart even more when she said “Ako na sana unang ikakasal sa barkada” (I was supposed to be the first to get married in our group) LIKE DUDE! WHERE YOU AT, LOVE?! WHY AREN’T YOU ENOUGH?! People lied, love doesn’t conquer all.

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