when you reached 25..

For the past two years, on my birthday, I used to write something that I thought holds enough wisdom and meaning to share with you. Now, as I turned 25, I feel like I don’t have anything to say—maybe why this post is a week late. Yes, I turned 25 last week, and I don’t know how to feel about it?

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ONE PERFECT TIMING

“But fates are connected in ways we don’t understand.”

—Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper

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A MESSAGE TO MY DONGSAENG (동생)

You turn 23 today! Where did the time go? You were just this kid I used to visit in his room during elementary days just to sweep off your sweat and put powder on your back. I can still remember that day you got into a banter with your classmate that you ended up breaking your teacher’s mirror. You were too scared I had to talk to her. I was your heroine. Now, you don’t even bat an eyelash when I threaten to kill you. LOL

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23RD

Hi! It’s been ages! I’m glad to finally be back. I turned 23 last June 16th and I decided to make another blog on Tumblr. I will still use this, though. That Tumblr account will be filled with positivity whilst this one will remain as the chaos part of me–all thoughts considered.

So, here’s what I wrote on my birthday:

I am in that chapter of my life wherein I feel lost.
I keep running after the time, the days, the moments—as if the focal point of life is in the future.
Everything just feels like a whirlwind of motions—making things blur; creating a bokeh image.

I want to do a lot of things but I feel like the time is running too fast I can no longer keep up with life itself. I feel like a bystander in a busy streets of the cities that never sleep. “I am within and without.”

It’s like wanting to write something but I’m suffering from Writer’s Block and all I can do is stare at the blank paper. Then, I realized how much we are alike—both visibly empty. It’s like writing a song but I can’t quite figure out the right tune that matches the words; the right chords that fit.

There are just too much to do that my human body can’t feed and satisfy my hungry soul. Too many books to read. Too many music to listen to. Too many movies to see. Too many places to explore. Too many feelings to write on.

I may not have fully figured out yet where I am going but one thing is certain, I am in pursuit of happiness. I will try to find it in every single damn thing in the world. Small things make the big things. I will find happiness until it consumes me; until it is enough to fill the cracks and crevices of my broken vessel. Until then, I will keep going. I’m going to live through it all. I’m going to see how life will turn out for me—good or bad. I’m going to see more sunsets and eat more ice cream and read more novels. I will take more pictures that if not Tumblr-worthy, at least Instagram-worthy. I am going to get a tattoo. I am going to make terrible decisions. I am going to buy more concert tickets and dance through the music. I am going to leave and go places. I will live. I will come home.

I wander to see the Great Euphoria. This is my purpose.