*notifies* “RJ commented on A LIVING PARADOX”
Wow. I got nominated. To have someone to actually took time to nominate you to this Liebster Award is fulfilling; as a writer and a person. So, thank you so much, RJ! *fist bump*
LIEBSTER AWARD – a chain award created by bloggers and passed on from one blogger to another to encourage connections. It is a wonderful, fun way to interact and make friends in the blogging community.
HOW LIEBSTER AWARD WORKS:
1. Thank the person who nominated you.
2. You have to answer the questions asked by nominator.
3. Nominate 10 other bloggers(who have less than 300 followers) and link them.
4. Create 10 new questions for the nominees to answer.
5. Notify all nominees via social media/blogs.
QUESTIONS ASKED BY RJ:
1. What inspired you to start blogging?
Everyone I know who loves to write inspired me. I don’t know, I was like “They can do it, why can’t I?” It feels like I can only express myself properly through words.
2. What’s the best song you heard in past month?
Afire Love by Ed Sheeran! The guy is a lyrical genius!
3. What is your hobby?
Well, if I’m not writing, I’m reading books.
4. Your biggest achievement?
5. The best movie you ever watched?
Keith! Oh God, what it feels like to be young and reckless and alive and dying. Must watch!
6. The country you want to visit.
7. A celebrity you admire.
I have plenty! Music artists, mostly.
8. Your favorite quote.
You are not alone. There’s always a hand to hold.
9. Things you admire in people.
The capacity to love.
10. Things you hate in people.
The way we take things for granted.
I NOMINATE.. (because I live for poetry and I adore deep thoughts)
6. Inky Waves
NOW, MY QUESTIONS..
1. What made you write?
2. If you will define love in one word, what would it be and why?
3. Do you believe that there’s a good in the bad and vice versa?
4. Do you believe in serendipity?
5. How do you see the world?
6. What do you think of people in general?
7. If you will recommend a song to a brokenhearted person, what song(s) would it be?
8. What kind of song do you listen to when you’re happy?
9. What makes you happy?
10. What do you think is your purpose in this world?
That’s it. I had fun! Let’s keep this going..
My gratitude to you,
“You’re one of those people with the most beautiful soul. So beautiful that when I look into your eyes, I see the sunrise and sunset, the universe, the calm ocean, the most beautiful things in life, at once. You might hate the broken pieces of you and your soul but I want you to know that it adds up to your wonder, just like how a stained glass is made out of colorful, broken glasses.”
These are the exact same words I want to tell you, yang. 😦 🙂
I love you. And I don’t feel a bit sorry for loving you. You are one hell of a person to love. Every bit, every part of you is a lovely piece of art. I’m not telling you that you are perfect; you’re not. I’ve seen you in your bad shape — your imperfections. Despite of that, despite all of your imperfections, you’re like a work of art that is too beautiful, too different, too unique to be understood with one quick look. You’re one of those people with the most beautiful soul. So beautiful that when I look into your eyes, I see the sunrise and sunset, the universe, the calm ocean, the most beautiful things in life, at once. You might hate the broken pieces of you and your soul but I want you to know that it adds up to your wonder, just like how…
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“And lastly, remember that even in your weakest moments you will be okay. Those moments in time that seem like you can’t get over it – remember yes you can. That sick feeling in your stomach will subside, those thoughts will pass, and everything will work out just the way it’s supposed to.”
Trying to take in some positive vibes! 🙂
Important (noteable) rules that I have learned in one month.
- The radio is NOT your friend. All music seems to be about love, heartache, breakups, whatever! Stay away. Listen to a premade playlist or play rap music. Rap music doesn’t seem to have feelings other than confidence boosting and hater-ade.
- People will notice that you look like shit. “You look tired”, “Are you OK?”, and “Are you feeling OK?” will be questions that you are frequently asked. Don’t let it get to you too much… It’s not like you will look like this for the rest of your life.
- You now have 5 different personalities. This is always fun.. Who will you be today? Who will you be in an hour? Get to know them all… they all have important lessons that you need to learn.
- Remembering the good times seems a lot easier than reminding yourself of the future…
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Remember when I told you I have written a lot of poems and stuff about/because of you? Well, this will be the last one. And I’m going to pour my soul on this just like I did pour all the love in me to you. I may or may not send this to you because this letter is saying more about me than it is about you. Writing is cathartic so I’m doing this to let my feelings out and maybe, just maybe, it’ll be easier for me to move on after this. Well, I hope.
I’m no longer sure what to believe in anymore. I’m no longer sure what to think. I’m so sad right now tears won’t even flow; it don’t show in the morning but it always haunt me at night. Remember when you told me that you sang Thinking Out Loud during the Christmas party in your office and that you felt so happy and complete and all you were thinking by then was me? Remember when you told me that you hope that I’ll be the last one you’ll love? Remember when you told me that you love me so much? Remember the first time you held my hand? Remember our first kiss? Remember those sweet random texts and calls? I remember everything. I keep reminding myself that everything you told and showed me was real and true, wasn’t it? I’d like to believe that everything you made me feel was real. It felt fucking real; or maybe I’m just too in love with you that I thought it was. I hate it that the things I was so sure about before seem so obscure now. Since it became official that we two are over now, that there’s no longer an ‘us’, everyday is torture. They say love should feel like heaven, this feels like an extreme ride, it is so overwhelming I just want to throw up and break down ’til there’s no more fluid that can stream out of my body, ’til it drains me. Overwhelming. I guess I gave you too much love than your heart could hold. I’m sorry if you think it’s too much. Someone told me that maybe you think it’s unfair for me that you can’t return the amount of love I can give you. Whether it is like that or not (we can only assume), damn it. I don’t expect the same ‘amount of love’, you don’t freaking measure love. The funny thing is, I understand. I’d like to hate you ’cause maybe it’ll lessen the blow but I don’t and it doesn’t. I understand but it doesn’t hurt less. But you know what hurts more? The thought of you thinking about how to forget her while I’m picking my shattered pieces together–which you scattered–alone. I tried to help you, Pol. But you need to help yourself, too. You can’t move forward if you won’t even have the will to take a step. I know you tried but it’s sad that it’s not enough for you to stay with me. You were so broken when I met you, I thought I could at least help you so I gave you all the love I have in my system thinking that it will drown away your pain but I ended up with a heartache instead. I told you you will be my worst heartbreak if this doesn’t work out for us but what have you done? You didn’t take care of my heart. Or maybe it’s me who broke my own heart, but you smashed my soul into these tiny little pieces that can’t easily be put back together. It fucking hurts. It really does. I didn’t just fell in love, I’ve been in love; I still am. This feeling won’t change anytime soon, tho. I’m not saying I feel incomplete without you, I’ve been living my life before you. I mean, I’ve been stained by you and this love will stay like a birthmark. I’m complete but there will always be a part of you in me and I hope I imparted something of myself in you, too. I wish you all the happiness, you know? I wish us both happiness. I told you I love the sunsets, it’s because there’s always something beautiful at the end of things. Tomorrow never dies. I don’t know what I see in you that made me feel this way. Nah, screw that. I saw your eyes and there I saw your soul. I saw your eyes, how sad they were. I saw it shine and that made me think I was doing the right thing, that maybe I was the reason for the good change but I guess I’m wrong. Someone told me: “No one really totally moves on. They just find someone who is much better. That’s why people tend to do something that is different from their past relationships. They’ll do something that’ll make their current relationship better than the last.” You haven’t totally moved on yet but I appreciate that you tried. Even if it’s me that seems like the one who’s pathetic at the end, I wouldn’t want to meet you any other way. I love how we met. I love every moment with you. I’m still hoping you’ll come back. Is that foolish of me? Well, I just hope. I’m not saying that I will wait ’cause I won’t. Life goes on. I will try to move on. If love is real, it will stay but that doesn’t mean that I’ll stop living just because you left. I still know my worth. I have a career to fulfill though going home every night will be a struggle. I still remember the nights we went home together. The streets. The freaking streets that we walked on side by side. I still pass your house, there’s no way that I’ll take a detour. Desensitization. Maybe if I will expose myself to things that hurt it’ll lessen the impact soon enough.
I used too much ‘maybe’, ‘I think’, ‘I guess’ in this because I’m a ball of chaos like that. I’m a mess right now, inside out. But if there’s one thing I am sure of, it is that I love you. I still do. It fucking hurts but I still love you the same. You can’t ask me to forget you, I won’t. You are one hell of a chapter and it’ll be hard for me to go on to the next one but I will eventually. Only time can tell. It’s not something I can just do no matter how much I instruct myself to. And if you still want to watch Ed Sheeran on March, that’d be fine with me. We bought the tickets, it’s just right if we will watch it together. His music brought us together and maybe through it we can part in much better way.
The truth is that everyone’s gonna hurt you. You just have to find the one worth suffering for. — Bob Marley
You are worth it. You always are.
what about when you’re dirty and angry and hard? what about when you close yourself to beauty and sunlight? what about all those times you lie in bed alone with covers over your head screaming so silently just wishing someone would hear those painful whispers, just imagining the day when you’d wake and forget this life and forget this time and forget how it felt to have a heart that was in so many pieces you would never know how to start putting it back together.
and then, breath by breath, one by one, the shards and particles and porcelain chips would start to find their way back into the shape it once was. except for missing bits and pieces, here and there. and in those shallow hollows, memories would come flooding in, like plaster, to fill the holes and make it whole with stories you’ll try the rest of…
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