We miss out on a lot of things, but I also think we build some in other aspects of life. We just can’t really have it all. It is hard to make peace with it, but maybe in time, we will. It is about embracing the choices we make in this life, and then, make the most out of it, amirite?
I also want to share what I realised this year, there is more to it than failing; than deeming yourself as a failure. When you feel like you are at the lowest of the lows, every breakdown will feel like the end of the world. But it is not. Breakdowns, I think, force you to stop, rest for awhile and rethink what you are doing. But getting up? It is harder than the fall itself. Maybe that is why it's called breakthrough: you have to break yourself over and over again before you can build a stronger foundation within. We always always just gets stronger in the process. Do not be afraid to cry, breakdown, surrender to your emotions. It is needed for you to be able to let go, and then go on. We can't live with our traumas forever.
Stillness also made me realise that I wasn't really alone with my thoughts because all this time, my heart is with me. No matter how strong and intense the qualms inside my head gets, my heart still beats with it. Even it gets harder to breathe, my heart works hard to pump more blood—no matter how faint—and keeps me alive.
Some of us would say that not everything you see in social media is true. Yes. But, I don’t think they are fake either. We all have our reasons for sharing what we share.
Healing isn't linear. I'm writing this now because I know there will be days that I might relapse again. I want to immortalize these thoughts into words so I can have a reminder to myself. I hope that it can be a reminder to you as well – that emotions are fleeting, but our words and actions are not. I hope we can live with fewer regrets. Also, I believe that if we can be mindful of our emotions, be in touch with it, we can react in a way that won't destroy ourselves and others.
You can still build good moments in places where bad memories took place.
With this, I believe first impression lasts, given that some of my friends still remember. Maybe, firsts are really instilled in our brain hard. Though, I also believe that not all first impressions matter in the long run, especially when it's not the real you. Maybe the first impression says so much about the one taking us in instead of us coming off as something.
And somehow, time seems to be timeless.