I can’t remember when I started to deem myself as a ‘writer’ – every time I consider myself as one, I can’t explain what I feel. It is still, due to lack of better choice of word, different. I also wrote something similar to this existential crisis of mine for the word ‘blogger.’ All I remember is that I wanted to be a writer since I was 9, and I didn’t pick up a novel until I was 11, so you could say that I am a writer first before I become a reader.
Writing and Editing
Writing has such a wide scope. As a kid, I thought it’s just that: you write. Well, it is THAT—somehow. But adults are either stupid or curious or both.
“What do you do for a living?”
“What do you write?”
I know, I suck at this. I don’t know how to respond to that or expound it better. I write about anything. I mostly do editing now, though. It is all I do the past year, so yes, I am a writer and an editor.
At work, I always do my best to make sure that write-ups would pass the standards of the clients. I’m not a perfectionist—proofreading my contents here on my blog is something I am dreading to do. But man, writing and editing as a career is something else. I become more paranoid about what I put out. Is my grammar correct? Is this the right spelling? Yes, even I’m just tweeting.
That’s how it is for me every time I read anything. I think it is how writing and editing started to change me as a reader. I critique others’ works just as much as I do mine.
Writing Fan Fiction
I mentioned in my previous post that I am writing fan fiction; it is when things got worse for me.
Stories are never my forte. I still believe poetry and blogging are what I’m best at. In poems, I don’t have to build characters and plot—I just follow my heart. In blogging, I just casually talk to you—like writing in a diary. Creating an entire world of your own, characters, settings, main and side stories, well, it’s SO hard. Even having an outline, I still struggle in the direction I should go. What should the characters feel here after the other say this? Will it match his character if he does so?
I didn’t realize how much I am changing as a writer and a reader until I picked up my books again.
Never a Book Blogger
As I read, it hits me that I am constantly proofreading in my head, too. As I read, I start to think of other scenarios that I can make happen with the current scenes I’m reading. Yes, I was not the type of reader who assesses the actions and behavior of the book characters in THAT level. I just feel the characters, if that makes sense. So, even I like reading and doing reviews, I can’t be a book blogger because I’m not sure if I am effective. I am easily caught by the emotions when I read that I look past the technicality of writing.
If you ask me how I would end the story differently, I don’t think I can give you something. In my reviews, I always try to comment on the writing style, but it’s always just the obvious POVs. If you notice, I say more about the characters: how they make me feel and reflect. Writing my own fiction stories changed that.
Perhaps, it’s safe to say that I’m becoming more constructive—and objective. Even though my too subjective self is not pleased, I hope it also means that I am growing as a writer, a reader, and as a person 🙂
How are you as a reader and a writer?