Outro: Crack | my thoughts in its rawest form

20181219 4:52PM

Self,

I’m trying to write to you because I feel so off. There’s a sudden shift in energy that I can’t quite understand. It’s so heavy; it is weighing me down. This is me trying to find my ground.

  • I don’t feel like myself, and I don’t even know what that means
  • I hate when this happens. I’m okay (at least I’m trying) and then there’s this ??? of mood and I don’t want to try anymore.
  • I want to talk, but I also want to remain silent.
  • There’s 2000-word article for me due Thursday and I hate lengthy articles. I don’t think I’m a good writer.
  • I want to be honest, true, whatever – I also don’t know what I mean by this.
  • My head hurts, I’m losing it again.
  • I’m playing blue side at the moment, and that really fits #MyFinal5Words – I’m back to blue side. Blue has always been comforting, healing, calming. Too calming. Idk, can the blue claim me?
  • I wonder if I’m getting the trigger from reading All the Bright Places again. But, I finished that this morning, and it’s been a couple of hours since. Is this late reaction?
  • I have so many plans for 2019; they get me excited, but they also make me so scared. What if?
  • I want to fix my blog, but I don’t know what to do with it.
  • It’s tiring to be Awake, but nightmares are back and thinking of sleep paralysis makes me want to stay awake forever.
  • There’s something heavy around my collarbone, I can’t shake it off.
  • I want to fucking cry.
  • No tears.
  • Outro: Crack – let me play this
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