“I miss blogging,” I thought to myself.
“How can I miss blogging when I’m still blogging?” I asked in retrospect.
It is really confusing.
I have been feeling insecure about my crafts lately which rarely happens. You see, I’m a huge “I write for myself” type of person. I don’t seek for validation from others when it comes to my writings because hell, I will write what I want—not what you want (unless you are my client, of course.)
“WRITE TO IMPRESS NOT TO EXPRESS!” I screamed.
It is different now, though. It is all new to me, and I don’t know when it started.
Was it when I attempted to write stories? It is very different from blogging. You create something bigger than yourself. It is kind of intimidating. How come, right? I am intimidated by the very world I am trying to build.
Was it when a client said that my article is not what her ‘brand stands for?’ Without giving me an input what her blog stands for in the first place. I can mimic the tone and style of the blogs, but I can’t copy paste her mindset. I need to know her viewpoint before I can turn it into her words.
Was it when a friend commented that my work was not as emotional as she thought it would be? It was pretty personal to me; I poured my soul into it. I felt like I disappointed her somehow.
So, I thought, my words are failing. Perhaps, it does not elicit emotions anymore? Doesn’t it deliver the words I want to convey?
As a reader, do you still feel my words? I’m just wondering 🙂
I want my words to reach you. So bad.
I’m still learning how to take criticism. I know it’s for my own growth. I am also trying to be contented with positive feedback. I never am, and I hate this about myself, by the way.
When someone says ‘I love your work,’ I can’t help but think ‘Why?’ instead of just being grateful. I mean, I am grateful, but I need you to tell me what I did great. It’s annoying, I know.
I think I got that from various training I had where we were told what we did best in our article and what we could have done better. It is not downright ‘I don’t like it’ or ‘I like it’ thing. It is constructive.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I am happy with compliments. I still get five stars on my articles that are work-related. In fact, I received an email saying that my last article was so great and they are hoping I sustain the quality.
There are still readers who love how I blend my words. I don’t know with myself. Do you feel this way somehow?
It takes lots of words to make you stand tall; but it only takes one for you to crumble and fall.
When I became an editor, I also got extra critical about lots of stuff. It’s annoying.
Dammit, self. Your readers are not critiques and editors. Shut up.
I felt detached from my own words. I realized I let it define me too much.
I don’t write as much as I used to before.
‘I am not me without my words.’ I really am empty without it.
I don’t think ‘ah, this deserves a blog post’ anymore whenever a thought crosses my mind. It all goes straight to my journal which is not entirely a bad thing. But, maybe that is why I said I miss blogging.
I know, the world has lots of problems. I know, I have lots of other things to think about. This is nothing; it is just me and my insecurities.
Forgive me, it’s that time of the year again. Can you believe it’s already October?? I know, I can’t believe it, either! BER months scare me. It is too nostalgic. It is too alive. Yet, it’s sad. Is it just me? What do you think about it?
I’m kind of happy I get these thoughts outside my head, though. Thank you for listening to me as always! 🙂
Until my next post (I have lots of ideas and drafts that have been here since summer *sigh* let’s see how the mind works this time) I am not on a writer’s block or writing slump. I am just insecure to write. Ah, this is so all over the place.
I haven't been reading other blog posts for quite a while now. If you have posts you think I can check, link them down. I will make time for it.
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