I’d just thought I’d share to you what it’s like to live inside a writer’s head (that is me in this narrative) while showing my July monthly spread. Since my month’s theme is the clouds, and maybe sometimes, my mind is really floating with them 🙂
It is probably my favorite spread. Aside from the color, I really liked how it turned out. I did this on my birthday and I’d probably publish this on the first of July. So, we can say that this is me writing this from the past, and you are reading it from the future. Cool, right? The concept of time really amazes me. I have these kinds of thoughts.
I got these ideas from Amanda and I am so in love with the mood tracker. It is officially rainy season and I just love the rain so much. The habit tracker is also really cute uwu
So, as I was saying, I published a draft of a fanfic I was planning to write before. I retained the setting but I changed the plot completely. You see, I have always been a writer, but not the writer that builds her own world for the real world to explore. My stories are just here, in this blog. Sometimes, it wears a mask called poetry.
But recently, I have been living inside my head because of this story. I mean, I’m always living inside my head but the story makes it worse. LOL It does not matter if it is 3am or 12nn, something will pop and I just know I have to write it down before I lose it. They are like my panic attacks that know no place and time.
The way the word flow in my poems are like fireworks, it is a quick explosion. I do not have to think about it too much, I just let my emotions hold the pen.
In story writing, though the words flow on its own, I still have to go back to it again and again to see how the pacing goes or is what I’m writing logical enough? I have to feel, then I have to think—a dangerous duo.
Before, if you see me staring at nothingness, I probably just zoom out, like, it is pretty normal. Now, if you see me staring at nothingness, there is this mini story playing and I am watching it unfold in my brain.
Do I actually like the feeling? Maybe. I used to write fanfics before but mostly one shot. Having different chapters is a total confusion. Say I am writing a chapter and something will click and it will all makes sense. Yes! It is great. Then, as I continue writing, another thought would pop and I know I have to change the flow again somehow to give room for it. It is actually fun despite the fiasco.
It is hard to balance these two worlds, though. My in real life story still struggles in finding equilibrium and now there is another fabricated story going on.
I’m not sure if you (reading this) write your own story, too. If you do, do you write for yourself or for others? I told Mel once that I hope we write more for ourselves but it is human nature to seek validation from others. But, I really want to write for myself. I already wrote before that I don’t write to please people, I write to reach out. I don’t want to be caged by the fear of readers not liking it. I just want to write.
Virginia Woolf once said:
“So long as you write what you wish to write, that is all that matters; and whether it matters for ages or only hours, nobody can say.”
When I started the fic, I kept asking Mel if it is okay because I am too conscious about it. It is my first so I think that is normal. I even asked her to check my grammar. Ahahaha It is hard to be consistent with tenses!
I don’t know where I am going or if I would like to write a story again. I can’t tell yet. But one thing is for sure, it is a new experience as a writer. I hope I can finish the story well just as how I visualized it in my head.
Oh, I totally forgot about my spread. LOL Welcome to a writer’s head. So, this one is my spread for blog ideas and books and movies (obviously). I did my weekly log like this because I actually need a space where I can write about my day, or whatever thoughts I have. Then, of course, a mini to-do list.
As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate you lots. Here is a cute rainy cloud gif. Look at those sparkly raindrops!
*sorry for the bad quality photos, it’s been rainiiiiiiiiinggggg