For the past two years, on my birthday, I used to write something that I thought holds enough wisdom and meaning to share with you. Now, as I turned 25, I feel like I don’t have anything to say—maybe why this post is a week late. Yes, I turned 25 last week, and I don’t know how to feel about it?
I do not feel pressured or being chased by time. As I said earlier this year, I will change my perspective towards it. Not that I have succeeded, I am still on the process of not dwelling too much on the thought of time passing; of time being wasted. And Mel’s post reminded me of something I said a few months back that I completely forgotten—the calm before the storm. I’m glad that those words left its impact and it gave me hope that if a friend remembers it, some of my readers might have remember my words as well, right? And I think blogging is really beautiful because we get to go back to our perspective before and we can see how much we have changed now. I’m pretty sure you read your old posts, too?
So, I went back to my old post on my birthday last year and tried to evaluate how I did after a year. Well, it is pretty much an awful year, but that does not mean I haven’t done a thing or two from the list I made.
I will get a tattoo on my next birthday – it did not happen, but that does not mean I won’t get it. I will still get it. I still have 11 months before I turn a year older again. What is time, anyway?
I will learn Hangul – yes, I am learning Hangul. I picked up the lessons again, and I am progressing.
I wish to be better at blogging – I don’t think so, but I am grateful that I still have readers. So, thank you.
I hope to finish my manuscript – I’m still working on that poetry book. It is also the reason why I am not publishing poems like I used to.
I want to be better in everything I do – Obviously, I failed this one. The mess I got from my previous job is still catching up on me. It has been almost a year, but I am still dealing with all the emotional stress.
I still have lots of worries but if I will let all those stop me from doing the things I love, for being happy even for just a moment, then is this life still worth living?
We all fuck up, and if we will always use those mistakes against each other, or even to ourselves, we will lose it altogether. My blogging and fangirling do not lessen the things I have to deal with. I am so far from getting better, but I know I will get there. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this but I must hold on to it.
On my 25th birthday, all I got to say as a wish was “Please.” One word but it means so much and weighs a lot. May all our pleas be heard. I’m not going to make a list anymore.
I will just focus on what I can do now—not later, not someday, but now.
And if you are wondering what I did to celebrate..
Well, I am not a fan of birthdays but I was really glad that I got to have taho during breakfast. It has been a childhood favorite and it is a treat that only morning people can have. Then, I’ve read some poetry.
I planned to sleep all day but knowing myself, sleep is not in my vocabulary. So, I did my monthly spread for July and I’m really happy of the outcome.
Also, my mother baked a banana cake. I was grateful.
Oh, I also watched two Japanese movies: From Me To You, and The Liar and His Lover. It was a good day.
Maybe as we grow older, birthdays become just that—birthdays. Or perhaps, it’s just me?
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