It’s 2AM again. I am usually so emotional at this hour but right now, I don’t need distraction. My emotions are in check compared to the days that it was in shambles since March began. My heart doesn’t hurt. In fact, I’m kind of happy. Happy. The word has started to sound strange and indifferent. But, at this very moment, I will welcome it with open arms just how I embrace sadness. Fair enough? 🙂
- At 11PM KST, on the 13th, Jeongguk uploaded his full cover of Only Then. Of course, that triggered another surge of tears from my system. It was so good, yes. Still, saaaaad. Though I was happy too because it was an hour before the White Day in South Korea and it’s like Jeongguk’s gift to the ARMYs. SWEEEET! Just look at the cover. I mean, how could you not cry??? AND. HIS. VOICE. I was happy.
- So, I was listening to this cover over and over while reading a sad AU because I love a torture like that. I mean, it’s a release (too often than necessary tho lol) Until it was 2AM again – the 14th. I really felt hungry. That’s the thing about crying too much, it makes you hungry because it is so physically and emotionally draining. So, I got up and made myself an egg sandwich (with cheese!!!!) and a cup of coffee. I don’t even know with my body clock. I felt lighter. I was actually feeling good. I thought, the night isn’t that bad. I was happy.
- The morning wasn’t easy. The dark cloud was still there hovering above my head. You just feel it there. I wanted to go back to sleep. The idea was so tempting but I didn’t. I got up, ate, and took a bath. I was fighting it. I was happy.
- I was appointed as Point of Contact (POC) in this digital marketing company where I work as a Content Writer. I didn’t want it because I don’t like any more pressure—as if I’m not stressed enough about my life. I think I’ve already mentioned before that the shrink told me I am prone to stressors and I should avoid it. But, here I am. Extra tasks are not fun but with my fellow POCs, it is bearable. Skype used to be just for work purposes. Now, it has become a getaway. We found our common grounds. One of them blog as well. We are all into art (thru writing); the other is in visual arts. We talk about books and movies (anime too)! We even talk about health! It was all always random but informative. Helpful.
I was taught about Small Frequent Feeding (I will start today lol). They are environment activists, too. One of them don’t use straw even in Starbucks. I was like WOW. I might start to do those too now and find my way to environmentalism.
I also found out about these poisonous (disposable) chopsticks!!! Like, WHAAAT??? Before you use it, dip it in hot water. If a yellow substance surface, DO NOT USE IT. Aaaaaaa. I am learning so much from them. I am happy.
- I got another freelance job. See, I’m not just always in front of my computer doing irrelevant things. I am trying to earn from writing. I am happy.
- I was able to take a nap tonight. When I got up, I decided to cook some sausages. I shared my attempt (again) to move around the kitchen to Junice and Mel and LOOK AT THIS SLANDERING!!!!
We were really sad earlier because Stephen Hawking died and we were like so fond of him because of all these theories about the universe. He did contribute soooo muuuuch. One of the greatest minds!!! It’s refreshing how my friends and I lift each other up by joking around saying stuff like, “It’s Einstein birthday. Imagine him and Hawking up there talking about the key to universe with Tesla and now they are conspiring on how to let us know the secret”, “I wonder if they bought cigars up there and having a discussion over beer”, “but imagine Einstein and hawking discussing why there is God and why there is none. Their theories will either debunk the idea of God or the lack of God or whatever” and “or if they will find out now if there really is one.” The day in our life, yall.
Also tonight, out conversations turned into our Harry Potter houses and we were really having the time of our lives laughing at all these facts:
I am a Slytherin and I am stuck with two Hufflepuffs. Hahahaha! (I wouldn’t want it any other way) These are all so hilarious but accurate.
These two always anchor me back to the shore and I got my head above the water at this moment. I don’t feel like drowning tonight. Or maybe I still am. But with happiness. Because I am really happy right now.
I know I am just blabbering here but writing is the only way to immortalize these moments. If I can make my sad words live forever, I can sure do it too with my rare but genuine happy times, right? Here you go. The things that made me happy the past 24 hours. I still don’t have my shits together. Later this morning, my grandmother will be visiting and she will tell me again to find a proper job as if I am a disgrace to the family. LOL As if I’m not trying. I know she only wants me to do good and I will. I know I will.
Let me just hold on to this delicate glass of euphoria for a little longer. Just a little bit more.
So, what made you happy today? Even if that’s just one reason, it is still something. Do not let it go. Collect more moments that you can put in your jar of happiness. We can do it. You can do it.
I am cheering you on
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