After months of having this on my drafts, I finally have the missing pieces to complete the thought. I found the answers, if not all, to all my questions. Read on, friends. Let’s walk down this path together ~

“Are you okay?” is what you often hear from people. It is vague. It could mean so much. Is my job okay making me financially well? Do I eat three times a day, if not more, that’s making my body okay? Are my family and friends treating me right that my heart feels warm? Is the weather good, reflecting my mood? This is also the reason why it’s easy to say “I’m fine” because we don’t exactly know what they are asking.

It is on very rare occasions that someone would ask you if you are happy. I won’t forget this phone call I had with my grandmother. That’s the first thing she asked me. “Masaya ka ba?” [Are you happy?] I’ve been asking myself that for years. I kept thinking that I am in the pursuit of Happiness; that it is this Great Perhaps; that it is the key to life. If you’re happy, you’re life should be brighter, right? I used to believe that happiness is indeed a choice; that I should create it instead of looking for it. Like the universe, it is inside me.

Then came a time when Junice asked, “if you choose happiness, are you truly happy?”

Am I? Or I’m just trying to make myself believe that I am? We are so good at tricking our brains after all. Though, jokes on us. Our brain can fuck us up big time to the extent that we can’t even imagine.

I think we have given so much weight on the word. Happiness. We labelled it as something to be fulfilled instead of something to come innate.

Are you really happy or you are just choosing to be happy?

Namjoon gave me the answer: “They say people live to be happy. If you actually think about what happiness is, it’s nothing much. When you get to eat ramen after feeling really really hungry, that’s happiness.”

It’s not like you don’t give much importance to it. It should not be taken for granted. Never. It’s just that, don’t dwell on the thought too much. It’s on the little things that happen everyday. It is both your choice and a natural thing. The sun makes you happy so you are naturally happy when you wake up and see that the rain has stopped. If you had a bad day, it is your choice how to change that vibe. That is how you find your happiness in the things or people you love. You can’t be absolutely happy by nature. You can’t be absolute sad either. The grey area. It balances the black and white. Then you add the colors with your choices.

And from choices come free will.

I hate it when you fail to achieve something, people will say “God has better plans for you”. What if this is what I want and not that “better plan”? Should I just settle for another thing just because I failed in getting the other? That sounds whiny and blasphemous, right? I should trust Him, they say. But really, what if His plans is different from my plans? Should I just follow the “blueprint”? What happens to my free will, then?

A friend told me that, usually, the phrase is just like a consolation. Its purpose is to make you feel better. She said that He really wants us to have the things we personally desire. Hear, hear. Maybe He really knows our hearts.

But then, there are still things we can’t change. No matter how fucked up that sounds, that’s just how life works. Amor Fati. Nietzsche. Love of fate.

I know I said that I hate the fact that there’s already this life “planned out” for us. That we have this “destiny”. Amor Fati is that and not—

As Namjoon has said, he can’t change the fact that he was born in Korea and that he is Korean. That is his fate. Through living, that’s how we get to change a bit of things. He said we can’t change the world but we can change some things. “Let’s make a difference” makes more sense to me now.

I’m in love with the thought. Fate moved by choices. Our lives are not an absolute fate. It is through our choices that lead us to where we want to be. You should only be supposed to be there because you want it there.

I hope these thoughts also shown a light upon you. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me who feel lost like this that I think this way. But, yes, I have found my answer.

By the way, I am happy and not at the same time. I am not absolute sure of things but who is anyway? I’m doing fine. You’re doing fine. Here’s to choosing better choices that hopefully will lead us to our better fate. Nothing is absolute. Except Love. Do not forget to include it in whatever you do.


I have found the best people that share the same desires as my soul and beat the same rhythm as my heart. They fill the void inside my cracks and crevices somehow. I found home in their words as much as I get lost in it. Through them, I got to finish this piece. Though, we still have missing parts, we have come to accept the fact that there will always be these spaces and black holes that are either better left hollow or best to wonder about all throughout the journey. You move backward, you move forward. You go up, you go down. This is how the world keeps its balance. “Where there is hope, there are trials.”

Move your fate,

signature


*photos from featured image: Move Your | Fate

Advertisements
Posted by:vienna noreen

vienna is a highly caffeinated writer who aspires to make a difference through her words; if she's not writing, she's probably reading books and fangirling over Bangtan.

11 replies on “NOTHING IS ABSOLUTE

  1. “Are you really happy or you are just choosing to be happy?” For me, I always choose happiness and it does make me happy. Alongside with choosing happiness, I also teach myself contentment. I’ve found that one reason why I’m always ‘unhappy’ is because I compare myself and my achievements to others. I’ve taught and reminded myself that we’re all on different roads & that sometimes my happiness is different from yours. My simple life makes me happy because I fill it with things that sincerely make me happy. I constantly make decisions and actions that add happiness to it.

    But humans are complex and even if I am happy, there are aspects of my life that I can’t control. I am indeed very unhappy the past couple of days and I am pretty desperate to change things. I have been adding positive aspects to my days BUT I can’t mask it. I guess I have to deal with it first and then get back to regular programming.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is a wonderful way to put it, ate. At least you admit where that unhappiness is coming from. I think we all need to acknowledge the thought before we can fully let go of it. For me, it’s more of because I’m still not able to do the things that I really want and love to do because of other responsibilities and stuff. But when I get there, I know it will really make me happy 🙂 Tho, the sad and bad things will always lurk around, it’s okay. As long as we’re doing something to make things better for us 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Maging writer. Mag publish ng poetry book ko. Ganun. Hahahaha Yung ayun na ung trabaho ko passion ko pa 😂 Ayoko na sa corporate pero hindi pa pwede kasi kelangan ko muna ng pera hahaha

          Liked by 2 people

    2. Nothing is absolute right? Happiness and darkness coexist. Same as light and darkness, good and evil, weight and lightness. You have to accept sadness in order to turn it around. Love yourself- both the happy and the sad you; and move your fate.

      Liked by 2 people

Spill the Beans

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s