How can something upbeat make me so sad?

⚠️⚠️⚠️ I’m going to take a stroll down memory lane ⚠️⚠️⚠️

I should say that I’m a Swiftie but I don’t think I like what Taylor has become—what her songs have become.

It all started when I heard Teardrops on my Guitar on the radio. She made me pick up the guitar again. She was one of the reasons why I keep wearing my heart on my sleeve. I looked up to her so much. I grew up with her. Until I don’t know her anymore (or should I say her words. Who really knows her, anyway? I don’t. You don’t. We don’t.)

Taylor’s lyrics used to describe my exact same feelings at a certain point in time. I loved how she turned emotions into words then into a song. Songs that most of us (I guess) could relate to. She isn’t the best singer but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t sound like a whale either. I saw her views about love from the pretty naive and sweet to young and reckless to just bitter and plain pathetic. Her albums used to be soooo good. I remember A Place In This World being my anthem of some sort. Gaaah I so love her mermaid curls.

Do you remember the EP she released back in 2008? Beautiful Eyes hit straight right to the core of my teenage self.

Then, Fearless happened. Music videos of Love Story and You Belong With Me were pretty much the talk of the town.

She was awkward, wasn’t she? I LOL whenever she attempted to dance. What a cutie. How about her song about her momI had the best day with you today. I am not crying, you are.

I thought I loved her so much then but Speak Now ensued. I LOVED HER EVEN MORE. It’s my favorite album. My college friends even bought me a copy of it. My first Taylor Swift album! Jizel, another friend of mine, even gave me TS shirt (which I already donated because it doesn’t fit me now LOL)


I didn’t like Red, though. Okay, maybe I do like some songs but this is where she started changing her style. But I must say that Everything Has Changed is a holy grail. I LOVE HER FRIENDSHIP WITH ED SHEERAN. I CAN’T HELP BUT FANGIRL WHEN I THINK OF MY FAVORITE ARTISTS COLLABORATING BECAUSE HELLO?? THAT’S LIKE HEAVEN SENT?? EARGASM??

1989 was an aesthetic. I can’t remember if I really liked the songs. The thing with Taylor Swift is sometimes, even if you don’t like her song, you’re going to sing it. I don’t know if it’s just me. Ana, also a Swiftie from work at that time, always played it at the office so I know the lyrics, too. She is a bigger Swiftie than I am. I must admit that. I bought the album with her though even I find all songs from it really sad. Little did I know that when she comes back, it’s going to be even sadder.

I wasn’t able to internalized Look What You Made Me Do when I first heard it. I was just like “I think it’s okay”. When I listened again, I felt sad. I don’t even know? How much can someone take before he finally want to get rid a part of himself?


Why do you have to own every shits thrown at you, Taylor? She isn’t perfect. She can also be a bitch, sorry. She really sure does always like to be the star of the show because duh it’s her lyrics (and life) after all. I got tired of her writing songs about her exes but still, I am here. She can be very manipulative, you say but so does the media. I don’t know why everything she does causes a fuss as if she is one whole feast.

When we do right, nobody remembers. When we do wrong, nobody forgets.

Some people seem to forget that it is Hollywood. It’s the entertainment industry. We can’t completely assume that everything is true or false. Society did it to her. We did it to her. She also did it to herself. Do you see now how words can kill? Even if it’s just a single bad comment you leave in someone else’s video or profile, it can hurt deeply. It doesn’t matter who you are directing it at.

I don’t think the old Taylor is dead. She just keeps on hiding. I will wait until she finally, genuinely find her place in this world. I hope she doesn’t get lost again this time around. I think she writes songs about these people because she doesn’t really know what else to do. I’m getting that writer part of her. Sometimes, we write it down because that’s what we know we do best or just because it’s really cathartic. The thing is, she is famous. Whatever she say is like the rock bottom that people dig down so deeply.

I feel like whatever happens with Taylor Swift’s reputation, it wouldn’t change the fact that she is one of the reasons why I write my heart out today. Whatever happens, she has (somehow) made a difference in this lifetime. How about you? What did you do to make a difference? What’s the legacy you have made so far?

I just thought of ending the month with this post. I hope we all get better in dealing with people, with life, with ourselves. I hope we all find the courage to choose to be the better person. I hope we learn not to retaliate to shits thrown at us (or else it won’t really end) and just live a happy life. I wish us well. Please be well. xx

This is from the manuscript I started working on early this year. It isn’t meant to be published online because I want it to be printed out someday. But just recently, I think of changing theme. I don’t know what kind of poetry book I want to write anymore so why not just post this. I think it fits here.