Happy Monday! I know, who says that? I’ve decided to change my perspective towards weekdays. So what if it means we need to get back to work after a lazy weekend? Doesn’t our work provide for us anyway? Though, I can’t change my mindset over traffic. It’s really that annoying, isn’t it? Waste of time and punctuality, but I hope we all make it home safe tonight.
So, I was scrolling through my Ask and I thought of writing this. Someone asked if I still write for Thought Catalog. If you already know, I submit articles to that website. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with it, but it’s like a dream come true for me when my piece got in and got published.
It was last year, on my birth month, that I tried my luck—to no avail. I got two rejected pieces! I was dejected that I thought of not submitting anymore. But I really really really really want to be a writer and I thought it’s a good platform so I still tried. My degree has nothing to do with writing but I really hope I can be a legit writer in some sites. I’m also thinking of taking up a writing course because I don’t know if magazine companies or anything in writing industry can take me without the proper education for it. I don’t know. Anyway….
It was on September, after watching Barcelona: A Love Untold
(lol my colleagues always drag me to watch local movies. we always joke about showing “camaraderie” even outside work hahaha aren’t they cute?), there was this scene where Mia said “I owe myself the biggest apology.” and that kinda stung. There came my first brainchild in TC, Read This If You Feel Like You’re Holding Yourself Back From Happiness:
Most of the time, you value other people too much to the extent of setting aside your worth. And for that, you have to say sorry to yourself.
You have to apologize to yourself for all the times you tend to other people’s happiness before your own. This is not selfishness. You can’t live to the fullest when you say ‘yes’ to others but what you really mean is ‘no.’ Do something because you want to, not because you think you have to.
You were not born to please everyone.
You owe yourself an apology for all the times you fail your own expectations. Say sorry for not giving your 101% on something you really do want to achieve. Apologize to yourself for all the things you should’ve done but didn’t do because you are afraid of failure. For all the words you should have said but stopped yourself before you even utter a sound just because rejections scare the hell out of you. You are entitled to a lot of opportunities, at least grab one. A missed train is a missed train.
You owe yourself an apology for all the times you compare yourself to others. For thinking that you are not beautiful or smart or talented or genuine and kind. Humans are variations of different characters, abilities and appearances. You are more than the person you see in the mirror. You are more than the person you think you are.
You are filled with arts. You are your own museum.
You owe yourself an apology for all the times you cry over the wrong guys in all the wrong reasons, over and over again. You should never beg for love. You should never chase someone who keeps running away. You deserve someone who stays. You owe yourself an apology for shedding so much tears for someone who isn’t completely in it for the long haul. For letting someone ruin your idea of love. You should never apologize for loving someone too much but you have to apologize to yourself for not knowing when to take a detour and let go. You have to stop bleeding at some point.
But most of all, you owe yourself an apology for all the times you sell yourself short. For all the times you think you are not worthy of the best anymore. For all the times you pick up the blade and think of ending your life because the pain is unbearable. It’s okay to break down and cry and be weak once in a while but at the end of the day, it is still you who have to pick yourself up. You owe yourself a great comeback.
You owe yourself a weightless travel to space after the deepest pull of gravity.
You owe yourself an apology for not giving yourself the life you deserve. You are worth it. I hope there comes a time when you will stop living with what ifs and I should haves.
Take risks and never ever apologize for trying.
—originally published here.
The original title of it when I submitted was “You Owe Yourself The Biggest Apology”. The staff writers, in their policy, can edit your work before publishing and I think it’s a better title than the one I thought of. Then, I wrote more articles and they got in as well. There are still rejected ones, of course. I published them here. Hahaha! I don’t want my words be gone to waste so why not post it here, right? I have 12 articles now in their site. Though, it’s been 3 months since my last one. In those months, I wanted so much to focus on blogging; to focus here and write more for my domain. I submitted two articles last June (I think) but it didn’t get through. I haven’t passed anything since. I don’t know if I still will. Should I? We’ll see.
I really hope you have a great day today. Here’s to more stories over coffee. I’m having my nth cup.