Summer feels like home, childhood, sunshine and dragonflies.
I live in the countryside and I still remember those mornings where we used to go to the farm to catch dragonflies. This may sound barbaric but we collected them inside a jar before we freed them again moments after. Of course, I shall say “I was just a kid.” It made me very happy but I won’t encourage it now. It will always remind me of those D.I.Y jars lightened up with fairy lights. They were my bright.
It was summer when I first fell in love. It just has this feeling that gives me a storm surge of words. I also started writing verses after verses. Little did I know I spawned poetry. You can say that summer was my first ever summer love.
It was summer when I first picked up the guitar. It caused callouses on my fingertips but I really didn’t mind because it also means I can produce music with it. If fingers are wands, it was like magic.
It was summer when I binge watched cartoons and animes, prompting me to learn Nihongo. I still have those One Piece DVD stored somewhere in the boxes at home—hidden but never forgotten.
Summer was a breath of fresh air—a break from reality. It means no homework and sleeping in in most days. It was the time where I immersed myself in PlayStation, Gameboy and Brick Game. For some, it means adventure; going to beaches. I never enjoyed that. I sure love the scenery. I sure love the briskness of it. The world just looked so alive and it feels like I could be spontaneous any minute. But I’ve always preferred staying in and reading. Summer was the only time I could finish a book in a day. It felt heaven to be able to do so. It was a mean of adventure to me. I do go out but not as much and I’m totally fine with it.
But I took it all for granted. I should have slept the whole afternoon, everyday, when my parents told me to. As a child, I couldn’t care less. All I wanted was to play and play and play. Now, all I long for is a decent sleep.
It was summer when I finished college and had my degree. I was so ecstatic to leave school and take a step onto the so-called “real world”. I was so eager to become an adult not knowing it was my last summer vacation.
It was summer when I cried the hardest in my life while my mother was in the operation room. It was heartbreaking to see her in so much pain that I could feel it myself. It was devastating to know you could do nothing but pray and cry in the hospital chapel. I was relieved when it succeeded. I have never been that grateful too. To God be the Glory, indeed.
It was summer when my parents separated. 22 years of marriage gone. I was so bitter. Then, I came to realize that I couldn’t really hold grudge. It still stings at times but I have accepted the fact that some things are just not really meant to be. I won’t take accountable of how they are feeling towards each other. It was theirs, not mine. What I have seen between them when I was growing up might be very different before I was born. I couldn’t really hate them for choosing different directions. I guess it’s never too late to take a detour.
Summer feels like home wreck, adulthood, scorching heat and mere perspiration.
I still live in the countryside and I don’t see dragonflies anymore. Even the butterflies are hard to find now. The summer filled with mango trees and morning glory bush are now gone. New houses were built—more and more of them. I’m just glad the sunrise remains. The kid inside me stuck around.
It is now hard to juggle work and leisure. I lose balance on everything. The sunrise that I used to look forward to is now just a sight in passing. The sunset that I always wait for is now gone by the time I arrive home. I’m just thankful for the stars and the night.
I used to love summer. I miss it so badly. I wish things can live on as it is. But even if it doesn’t, it was still an experience– a nostalgia. It was once a was, a now and a then.
It is summer. It will come again. It will always be my bittersweet escape.
featured image is from Gabriel Conte’s Instagram account @gabsventure