I didn’t see it coming.
At 21, I have all my life planned out. I thought I got everything figured out. Then, you entered the picture. There was just too much sadness in your eyes. I guess that was what made me so drawn in you. I got so obsessed in fixing you that I broke myself in the process. I depended so much in you that I didn’t notice I let my life revolved around you. You and only for you.
You were there when my parents separated. 22 years of marriage gone. Since then, you became my home. You are my home. You made everyday felt a little better and lighter. You made everything seemed easier. 22 months after, you were breaking up with me. I guess the number 22 doesn’t really like me. Well, I don’t like it either. You made me think that I could build a happy family despite having a broken one. Now, I’m not so sure anymore.
We all have everything planned out. Now, I am more lost than I’ve ever been. Maybe, this is how it feels like to have your heart broken at 23. Sure, I have a life before you and I can surely have another after you. But it just doesn’t feel right. Where will I live now when we already have planned where to have our own house? What will I call my future children now when we already named them after us? You stained my future. I feel like I will always be haunted by you because this kind of love stays like a birthmark.
I saw it coming.
With your shortened calls and cold messages, I know you are starting to slip away. It sucks because I couldn’t do anything about it.
I wanted to do everything to keep you but you just don’t want to be kept.
Soon, you will find someone who is prettier, smarter and more physically fit than me—someone who is, generally, better than me. Don’t bring her to the places we’ve been. Don’t let her try the new opened cafés in our town because that’s what we used to do. Don’t hold her hand like you held mine. Don’t look at her as if you’re trying to see me in her. Don’t let her visit the bookstores with you because I’ll be there lingering in every aisle and every spine of the books. Just don’t. It’s every girl’s nightmare to be compared to the past relationship of her current one. I know because I’ve experienced it with you. Please don’t break her the way you broke me.
I’d like to say that this is the last piece I’m going to write about you but that would be a lie. I still have this poetry book ‘dream’ going on. You know how much I love writing poems, right? This time, it won’t just be for you. It will also be all about you. Thanks to you, I will finally be able to finish this somehow.
When I’m done turning this pain into words, when I’m done bleeding with verses, please do me a favor and read all pages.
Please do me a favor, read it all. Read it all and feel the tears I shed in each letter. Read it all and be with me as I retell all the good and bad memories we shared together. Read it all and as you finish the last page and you close the book, please do know that it’s the end of our story too.