TO THE GUY WHO NEVER LOVED ME RIGHT

I have stayed for so long because I couldn’t bear the fact of leaving you behind. After picking up your broken pieces, I couldn’t let you shatter again. I don’t want to see another tear to stream down your face and I don’t want to hear any more sob. You don’t know how much it hurts me to see you in pain. I don’t know what it is with you that I let myself walk in my own peril. There’s something in you that pulled me so close I don’t know how to stay away anymore.

And so I stayed. I stayed because you said you love me. I stayed because I love you a lot.

 

I love how your eyes radiate when you smile. I started to see hope in it. I could finally see the fragments of your soul lighting up. I’m so grateful to be the reason of brightness in your shadowed face. I’m glad to hear your laugh resonates with mine until our stomach ache. I can brag about how your calloused hands have known too much work that it just made me more feel safe and secured rather than to turn me off. There were so much calm in you that put all the chaos in me at ease. I am your beacon but you are my shore. You are the anchor of my inner wanderess. I crave traveling so much that being stuck scare the hell out of me. But you are my constant. Perhaps staying in one place wouldn’t be as bad as I thought it would be—as long as I am with you.

So I stayed. I stayed because I want more of you.

We love each other so much I didn’t think an end is a possibility. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But you never returned the same ecstatic I share when I tell you stories. Our opinions clash and our tastes never jive. Your calls are too quick and your efforts always fall short on the brink. I don’t want to demand too much so I keep my mouth shut. I feel like I’m selling myself short but I can’t tell you that. You will think I don’t appreciate you when in fact, I actually do. It is you who never see my worth. It is you who keep telling you love me but don’t give your all to keep me. I give you everything to the point that I now feel empty.

But I stayed. I stayed because I still want to watch the sunset with you. I still want to see the world with you by my side. I stayed because it felt like the right thing to do.

I have been so obsessed in fixing you that I haven’t noticed the cuts that bleed when I pick up your fractured self. I have been so busy trying to keep you that I started to lose myself. I depended my happiness upon you and I know it’s my fault. It is wrong of me to expect too much from someone who doesn’t know how to express himself properly. It’s my fault that I hoped for a poetry when you can’t even give me a single verse. It’s my fault why I’m constantly breaking.

But I stayed still. I stayed because letting you go might be my biggest regret. I don’t want you to be the one who got away. I want you to be my person through it all. But sometimes, holding on hurts more than giving up.

We loved each other in all the wrong reasons and I couldn’t bear this anymore. It is true that we have to deal with pain and that we must let it succumb our whole being. It is only then that we can let go. We should stop the pain before it completely ruins us. To be destroyed by the one you love is one thing but to destroy your own self is a whole different story. I’m not going to let that happen. Letting go is like growing wings. It will surely hurt but once the transition is done, we can finally fly. Love doesn’t hold us down. It makes us soar high. It should let two people grow—in their own terms. It doesn’t separate, it unites.

I stayed because I thought we have that kind of sort. I stayed until I realized I was wrong.

I’ve saved you but it’s about time to save myself too. We both deserve better.

So I’m letting go now.

I’m letting you go.

I’m setting us free.

vienna-wp

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