“When holding on hurts as much as letting go, what would you choose?” I asked a very close friend.
Her answer was kind of in between. I love how she considers things, as always. She answered: “I’ll probably loosen my grip”. She used rose with thorns as an analogy. “You can’t hold on too much ’cause the thorns might bleed you to death but you can’t really let go if you think it’s the right rose for you.” And yes, how can you even? How can you detach yourself from the things that made you see the world in brighter colors: the sunrise in sunset; the new beginnings in bitter endings? Sometimes, you got to have scars to heal. Sometimes, you need to bleed to be cleansed. She suggested to find another options while working things out. “Loosen your grip but do not let go.” Well, unless I really want to. I guess it’s all about balance after all. No one can tell us if it’s the right rose for us or not. We all walk in different shoes. Walking on with someone else’s shoes won’t really help us understand unless it’s our own; unless it’s our runway; unless it’s our life. It’s all about us. It’s always about us and our choices.
And that conversation with her have lead me to this short poem. I call it PHOENIX:
I won’t let go of this rose
despite the pain
’cause even in ruins
I will hold the thorns
’til it kills me
’cause in death
And that is my answer to my own question. I’ll hold on as long as I can. It’s like holding on to dear life. You know it somehow sucks but you always have the wheel. Turn right and left or go straight ahead. It’s all you. Be strong enough to stick with your choices and if you think otherwise, then take a detour. We make a lot of decisions in life, it doesn’t have to be just one. The world isn’t black and white.